I left all that I had of me in 2018 and I’ve not functioned properly since then.
I watched my friends walk away from me and now their presence - or lack thereof- circles me from just outside of my peripheral vision. Just a little too deep beneath my barely treading water feet. I can’t see them, but every once in a while I feel the remnants of their wake bump against my soul and in response, I shatter.
Only for a ephemeral moment. If the layman blinks he would miss it. He’d miss seeing me frantically pressing the pieces that fall out of place back into myself. He wouldn’t know to look closer at all those pieces, he’ll never realize they’re not actually in place.
My heart is like a freezer door that you slam shut before all the stuff you shoved in comes tumbling out.
I am divided.
I lasso what bits of them I can find with these long, superfluous sentences.
At the same time,
These sentences string together and tie themselves around my waist, a tether to the world I live in, a tether to the dock that I walk myself off of.
I won’t ever get to actually tell them I miss you. And I don’t think the sentiment is returned.
But this new year will teach me nothing other than how to keep being terrorized by the old year.
i understand the inherent sexiness of putting yourself into mortal danger but please stop prancing into faerie rings and offering your true name to any passing pixie who happens to be there in hopes of escaping the cruel grip of capitalism
skyrim is a bad game because i cant hug my friends or my husband. maybe i want to let the people in my life know i appreciate them dearly even if they just have three lines of base dialogue
and before one of you says something like “oh why dont you just play stardew valley or animal crossing or some other game where you get to be nice to people” please understand that i enjoy hunting the city guards for sport but that doesnt mean that im not full of love
